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Rachel Griffin
17 August 2009 @ 08:57 pm
So, while reading the blog of a friend of mine I had the thought, "Hey, I should start a blog. I have interesting thoughts I never vocalize." Then I realized that I have an lj that I'm sure hardly anyone reads, but I thought it might be a good place to get some bad shit out.

So, for those of you that don't know, fourteen years ago, on August 15, 1995, I was raped by my cousin when I was 9. He was 18. I didn't tell anyone at first. I was terrified of the consequences and afraid that no one would believe me. About a year later I told the mother of a friend of mine. She did the right thing and called my elementary school. One day the principal called me into her office. My mother and stepfather were both there. The principal asked if what my friend's mother had said was true. I exploded and told her everything. Since I was freaking out and crying my mom took me home. Although she was required by law, the principal never reported anything to the police. My mom and I talked about everything for a little bit, but it was quickly forgotten. After several difficult years I entered therapy when I was around 14. I relayed the whole story to my therapist during our first session. He asked if it had ever been reported to the police. I told him I didn't think it had. He did the right thing and filed a police report.

I was quickly thrown into the turmoil that is being a victim in the legal system. I had to tell my story over and over to several people in the legal system. It was a living nightmare. Because the crime was committed in Pennsylvania my mom and I were flown out for the preliminary hearing. Although they handled me quite well with kid gloves, it was and incredibly difficult few days to get through. I was asked horribly embarrassing questions about the size, shape, and circumcision status of his penis. I was asked about the specific lighting in the room. Keep in mind that I was 9 when the rape occurred and 14 when I was being asked these questions. I barely grasped what circumcision was at 14, let alone at 9. In addition to that emotional trauma, I was faced with the man who had raped me for the first time in five years. I thought the torture would never end. After several months of legal processing my mom and I were flown back out to Pennsylvania for the actual trial. I knew it would be hard, but I could never anticipated just how hard it would be. In addition to all of this my family was splitting in two. This was my cousin, mind you. Everyone in the family either took a side or didn't speak to anyone. I felt terrible knowing that I was the one, in a long tradition of women in my family being sexually abused by men in my family, who had the courage to do something about it and I had caused all the trouble in my family. Not until later did I realize that my mom's side of the family is just fucked up with or without incestuous rape. So, after all was said and done the jury ruled in favor of the defendant(the man who raped me) based on the fact that there was no physical evidence and that so much time had passed since the crime occurred. I was devastated. I was inconsolable. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't believe that after all I had been through I couldn't even savor the fact that he would rot in jail. It is nice to know that he's completely fucked up his life with drugs and lawbreaking in the years since, and, to be honest, I don't know if seeing him dead would even make me feel better.

In the years since the trial I have done a pretty good job of suppressing all of the feelings I have associated with this event. The past several years I've been finding it harder and harder to ignore these feelings. I can't function normally. Fuck, I don't even know what normal is. I can't watch a movie or a tv show involving rape without being seriously messed up for several days afterward. I've sought out counseling through my HMO on multiple occasions, but I'm apparently not a priority because I'm not actively trying to slice wrists. Tonight I went to the local sexual assault/domestic violence counseling center for their orientation meeting. It was so hard. They talked about Rape Trauma Syndrome. It's basically like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but with rape. As they were listing the symptoms I had a hard time keeping it together. Almost everything listed described me. I know now more than ever how much I need help. I can't push these feelings down anymore. They say for alcoholics that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. I'm hoping that rings true in this case as well. I want to recover. I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to cry all the time. I don't know what normal is, but I know this isn't it. I feel like I'm on the verge of a major change in my life. I feel like even though I can't see the end of the road that it's just good to be on the road headed to recovery. I think a lot of my major problems and anxieties stem from this life-changing event. I don't want this to control my life anymore. I want to move past it. And when I do, I want to help other people who have been through what I've been through.

All these years, all I've ever wanted is guidance. I want someone to talk to who's been through what I've been through to tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel. They say that 1 in 3 women have been sexually assaulted. Where are they? I am thankful everyday for the loving and supportive friends and family I have who have listened to me and sat with me while I cried, but I've always just wanted someone who understands fully how I feel. I'm hoping this new line of counseling will help me with this. I'm hoping that because this organization is specifically tailored to victims of sexual assault and domestic violence that they can guide me through this healing process. I just hope I can wake up one day smiling.

P.S. I'm not proofreading this because I'm not ready to read it yet. If there are any errors, just deal. I'll fix them eventually
Current Location: 95670
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: Grateful Dead- Sugar Magnolia
Rachel Griffin
24 January 2009 @ 12:35 pm
My Political Views
I am a left social libertarian
Left: 4.2, Libertarian: 5.23

Political Spectrum Quiz
Current Location: 95670
Current Mood: dirtydirty
Current Music: Sober House
Rachel Griffin
15 December 2008 @ 10:56 pm
So, it has now been over a year since I've updated this thing. I don't know why I stopped posting. I just got really busy and this wasn't really high on my priority list. I'll probably go through and give a thorough re-cap at some point in the near future, but right now I'm just saying hi to everyone. I'm also sending out Christmas soon. So, if you want one comment with your addy. Comments will be screened. I just roasted some almonds. They're super yummy. So, yeah. Ttyl.
Current Location: 95670
Current Mood: highhigh
Current Music: Family Guy
Rachel Griffin
25 October 2007 @ 09:45 pm
so, i started school on the 15th and it is awesome!!! i'm going to san joaquin valley college to become a medical assistant. i'm so excited and i'm so happy in school. i'm learning bunches. so, yeah. i basically have no life. i work from 8-4:30 and i go to school from 5:30-10. surprisingly, i don't mind not having a life. i'm getting used to it. so, okay, sex time.
Current Location: 95826
Current Mood: happyhappy
Rachel Griffin
08 October 2007 @ 06:24 pm
life is shit. fact. so, after the whole grandpa-dying-going-to-virginia-seeing-the-guy-who-raped-me-getting-stuck-in-long-beach fiasco i came home. less than a week later my car got broken into. there wasn't much to take, but they took everything they could. they got my cds. i hope they like indie rock. they were all burned copies, so it wasn't that upsetting. it just sucks. i feel kinda violated. even more frustrating is that work is hell. there's so much to do. i want to scream. also, i start school in exactly one week and my loan has yet to process. so, i thought i could do something to help with the stress. rather than stay at home and do yoga i took my mom's chosen way of dealing with it. i got shit faced on saturday night. then i proceeded to puke in the denny's bathroom. i crashed on my mom's couch and threw up all over myself in my sleep. so, yeah, that didn't really work out. i just want to crawl into a hole at this point. andy, come home so i can cry on your shoulder. life is teh suck. i'm hoping the next time i post it will be good news. i'm sick of all this dark and twisty shit.
Current Location: 95670
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: the all-american rejects- night drive
Rachel Griffin
25 September 2007 @ 06:12 am
so, i'm in a seedy hotel in long beach. my head is pounding. i can't keep food down. i'm miserable as hell. this is all because of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. fuck him. fuck long beach. i want to go home. blah.

on a lighter note:

Your Score: Sad Cookie Cat

64% Affectionate, 48% Excitable, 64% Hungry

You are the classic Shakespearian tragedy of the lolcat universe. The sad story of a baking a cookie, succumbing to gluttony, and in turn consuming the very cookie that was to be offered. Bad grammar ensues.

To see all possible results, checka dis.

Link: The Which Lolcat Are You? Test written by GumOtaku on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test
Current Location: long beach, ca
Current Mood: irritatedirritated
Current Music: blow dryer
Rachel Griffin
25 August 2007 @ 11:14 pm
my hands are really dry. i need to put lotion on them. the lotion is in my purse across the room. i don't feel like getting up. tomorrow should be exciting. i'm not looking forward to monday. i have my first appoinment with a new therapist. i haven't seen a shrink since i was about 15. i'm hoping this chick isn't a bitch. i don't want to have to find another one. i've been in a good mood all day for reasons i don't know. the sports guy on channel 3 looks stoned. no one likes women's basketball. i'm going to bed now. this post was useless.
Current Location: 95826
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: channel 3 11:00 news
Rachel Griffin
31 July 2007 @ 09:57 pm
*living alone
*the internet
*some girls having sex on videotape for my enjoyment

as of right now, life is fantastic.

that is all.
Current Location: 95670
Current Mood: satisfiedsatisfied
Current Music: ohh, ohh, oooohhhhh!!!
Rachel Griffin
30 July 2007 @ 05:58 pm

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more atheist than religious, more loner than dependent, more workaholic than lazy, more traditional than rebel, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more introverted than extroverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are romantic (86%), innovative (71%), intellectual (70%), slutty (65%).

College Student100%
Emo Kid89%
Life Experience

Your political views would best be described as Liberal, whom you agree with around 93% of the time.
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Upper Middle Class. You make more than 64% of those who have taken this test, and 42% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated R.
By the way, your hottness rank is 67%, hotter than 72% of other test takers.

brought to you by thatsurveysite

Current Location: 95826
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: modern marvels
Rachel Griffin
24 July 2007 @ 09:58 pm
Current Location: 95826
Current Mood: pissed offFREAKING OUT!!!
Current Music: MY TYPING IN LJ!!!
Rachel Griffin
23 July 2007 @ 07:04 pm
omg i'm posting again. i love having a laptop. it's the greatest thing ever. i just painted my toenails. i'm waiting for andy to call me back. blah. fuck it. i'll go internet at andy's.
Current Location: 95670
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
Current Music: how i met your mother
Rachel Griffin
22 July 2007 @ 11:38 am
according to lj i haven't posted in 5 weeks. omega. there isn't a whole lot going on. i have a laptop. it's the greatest thing ever. it came with windows vista premium. it's weird. i've never had a genuine copy of windows before. i've always had illegal copies. i like vista. it's pretty. it took a minute to get used to it, but now i love it. i just woke up not too long ago. i slept for like 10 hours. now i'm hungry. boo. so, yeah, yay laptop. now i'm cool like everyone else. k, i'm gonna go search for food now.

oh, andy, my mom wants a copy of the coldplay cd that has "clocks" on it. do you have that?
Current Location: 95826
Current Mood: hungryhungry
Current Music: ticking clocks
Rachel Griffin
13 June 2007 @ 04:52 pm
omg. it's hot. very, very hot. i think i'm going to die. also, i am hungry. i want dinner. sacramento is lame.
Current Location: 95670
Current Mood: hothot
Current Music: seinfeld
Rachel Griffin
28 May 2007 @ 02:33 pm
no work today. yayface. going county fair-ing later. should be fun. apparently i'm supposed to get married soon. i went to a wedding this weekend and i caught the bouquet. it was crazy. it was my first ever mexican wedding. there were mariachis. the whole ceremony was in spanish. they served goat. the list of insanity goes on and on. it was probably the best wedding i've ever been to. i couldn't really eat a whole lot of food because almost everything contained meat. it was still crazy-fun. also, i almost died last week. crazy car accidentness. it happened right in front of my car as i drove down highway 50. i'm hungry. erica should get here soon. <3 to kali. good luck to andy with the gay-ness.
Current Location: 95826
Current Mood: hungryhungry
Current Music: seinfeld
Rachel Griffin
09 April 2007 @ 09:52 am
i'm at work. it is lame. my boss is not here, as well as the cuntymccuntface that rats me out when i internet. so, i'm posting on lj. woot. i got these noise-cancelling headphones. they're great. my birthday is 62 hours away. woo! i'm going to legally get shitfaced for the first time ever. yay. i really don't have a whole lot to say. i'm gonna go read my new book. yay work. i'm getting paid to write this. shitcuntfackassholeballs. smileyface
Current Location: 3050 Fite Cir. #107 95827
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: KATG ep# 476
Rachel Griffin
02 January 2007 @ 05:41 pm
i'm bored. my hands are cold. this post has no point. i tore up my finger on a staple today. it looks gross. i think i'm hungry. i think i might go work on my puzzle in a bit. i got frustrated with it last night. new year's was decent. i got drunk on $4 champagne. i had sex for a ridiculous amount of time. yesterday i slept until 1:00pm. i have nothing to say. 2007 is going to suck.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: keith and the girl live show
Rachel Griffin
11 December 2006 @ 12:35 pm
work is lame. my boss isn't here so i've been internetting all morning. i'm sleepy. i should have stayed in bed. so, does anyone want to give me money? i'm not completely broke yet, but i'm getting there. i'm not christmasing this year. everyone's getting christmas cards from the dollar store. i really want to take a nap. work is lame. i wish i had a bunch of money so i could work only when i wanted to, not out of necessity. not only do i hate working, i hate the people i work with. they're irritating. i say "they", but i mean "she". i wish she would just quit or get fired or something. grr... livejournal is boring. i'm going go play games on yahoo and get paid for it. woo!
Current Location: work.
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: azure ray- safe and sound
Rachel Griffin
03 December 2006 @ 05:04 pm
so...it's been ages since i updated this thing. i just lost interest. people got boring. i ran out of things to talk about. so, now i'm back. woo. i doubt i'll start posting regularly. i mean, it's a possibility, but it's not very likely. so, yeah. i don't even know if anyone reads this anymore. if anyone does, here's an overview of the past six months.
-i'm still working. woo.
-i moved out of my mom's in october. i found a studio apartment in the 'cho. it's pretty awesome.
-life still sucks.
-i might go back to school next year.
-i want to get another tattoo when andy comes home for christmas.
i think that's it. the only exciting thing that happened was moving. everything else is pretty much the same. if i've left and unanswered questions, feel free to ask. i'm gonna go watch clerks II.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: keith and the girl
Rachel Griffin
27 May 2006 @ 10:36 pm
so, i haven't updated in forever. i haven't interneted in forever. it's not that i've been super busy. i just got bored with lj.

stuff has happened since the last time i updated. everyone who needs to know has been informed. there isn't much that needs to be said here. anything i should know about? did anyone miss me?
Current Location: home
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: mozart- piano concerto no. 23
Rachel Griffin
27 March 2006 @ 07:49 am
nothing exciting has happened. i'm tired. it's monday. i don't want to go to work. my stomach is eating itself. this weekend sucked. i'm waiting for my ipod to finish updating. it's taking forever. i'm probably going to be late for work. i don't care. my lips are chapped. allison: call me. now.
Current Mood: peacefulpeaceful
Current Music: eels- bus stop boxer
Rachel Griffin
14 March 2006 @ 07:52 pm
i'm bored. i've done everything there is to do on the internets. boo.

so, i bought a new ipod and i have hella space on it. i'm looking for more albums to download.

any suggestions?

Current Mood: hornyhorny
Current Music: bright eyes- train under water
Rachel Griffin
11 March 2006 @ 06:07 am
so my birthday is coming up. yay. if i don't get out of here soon i'm going to go crazy. no one is going to like the fact that i'm leaving. i don't know if i'll go to school or where i'll live or anything. i don't care if i get there and my only option is to live in my car and eat beans out of a can. i won't be here. that's good enough for me.
Current Mood: irritatedirritated
Current Music: azure ray- november
Rachel Griffin
04 March 2006 @ 10:57 pm
i'm going to implode. i slept for 15 1/2 hours last night. i wish i had enough money to run away right now. that would be awesome. i really need to go back to therapy.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: the new pornographers- the bleeding heart show
Rachel Griffin
24 February 2006 @ 12:27 pm
omg updating at work. i'm bored. it's friday. i want to go home. i want a back massage. i want a glass of wine. i'm exhausted. i just want to lay down. why can't i just lay down right here? i should. ok, i'm gonna go like, do my job now. boo.
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: bloc party- this modern love
Rachel Griffin
18 February 2006 @ 08:13 am
Rachel Griffin
15 February 2006 @ 09:50 pm
Stolen from smokedglass7429

My ex ... works with my current bf
Maybe I should ... start running again
I love ... this feeling
I don't understand ... people
I lost my ... dignity
People say I'm ... sex-crazed. those people don't know me very well. bitches.
Love is ... awesome.
Somewhere, someone is ... having great sex.
I will always ... have tattoos on my feet
Forever is ... way too long
I never want to ... live for anyone else
I think the current President is ... a douche
When I wake up in the morning ... i like what i see
Life is ... good
My past is incredibly ... complex
I get annoyed when ... people don't know how to drive
Parties are for ... getting intoxi-high and not remembering a damn thing
I wish ... i had lots of money
My dog is ... sleeping
My cat ... (s) are wandering around the house somewhere
Kisses are the worst when ... they're slobbery
Tomorrow I'm going to ... work and maybe get some sleep
I really want ... my hair back
I have low tolerance for people who... smell bad
If I had a million dollars ... i would buy a house
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: boo lost
Rachel Griffin
12 February 2006 @ 11:14 pm
i think something is wrong with me. like, chemically. like, in my brain. things are just...weird. my sex drive disappeared overnight. shopping has lost its appeal. i'm distancing myself from people. i don't like it. i'm not sad, i'm just meh. i feel indifferent about everything. it's not depression. i know what that's like. i'm just in some kind of funk. i don't know how to get out of it. i want my sex drive back.
Current Mood: indifferentmeh
Current Music: futurama
Rachel Griffin
08 February 2006 @ 07:23 am
i love erica. weet!
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: bright eyes- lua
Rachel Griffin
05 February 2006 @ 05:27 pm
so, erica says i don't update enough. i don't update b/c there's nothing to say and no one cares. no one wants to hear about my awesome bf. no one wants to hear my angry ramblings. so, i'm updating just for erica.

-my bf is great. he makes me smile. i don't plan on ever cheating on him ever. ever. ever.
-sometimes i hate everyone and sometimes i just hate certain people for being irritating bitches.
-i'm watching the super bowl. i hope the seahawks win. i hate the rolling stones.
-i'm going to have another beer.
Current Mood: crazycrazy
Current Music: super bowl xl
Rachel Griffin
03 February 2006 @ 07:29 am
yeah, it's been a while. i've been busy. kind of. nothing much has happened. i need to get ready for work. boo.
Rachel Griffin
15 January 2006 @ 10:38 pm

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Rachel!

  1. Over 46,000 pieces of rachel float on every square mile of ocean!
  2. There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of rachel orbiting the Earth.
  3. There are more than two hundred different kinds of rachel!
  4. The word 'samba' means 'to rub rachel'.
  5. The only Englishman to become rachel was Nicholas Breakspear, who was rachel from 1154 to 1159.
  6. Peanuts and rachel are beans.
  7. Native Americans never actually ate rachel; killing such a timid prey was thought to indicate laziness!
  8. There are 336 dimples on rachel.
  9. While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes dressed up as rachel.
  10. Women shoplift four times more frequently than rachel.
I am interested in - do tell me about

i like #s 4, 8, and 10.
Current Mood: drunktipsy
Current Music: brenda russell- piano in the dark
Rachel Griffin
14 January 2006 @ 10:47 pm
sometimes a little masturbation makes me feel better all around.

i feel like i'm not fully utilizing the days i have off.

i pierced my lip. it's not very swollen. i might see about getting a smaller ring.

i hate airports. i love denial.

i want to move out, but i need a roommate. any takers? i want someone who pays their bills on time and doesn't live like a slob. i don't care if you smoke, drink, smoke weed, stay up late, or have loud sex all the time. i just need to get the hell out of here. i'll probably end up getting an apartment near rancho just until i've saved up enough to go far away.

omg i hate waiting.
Current Mood: sadsadface
Current Music: my ipod is broken. sadface
Rachel Griffin
05 January 2006 @ 11:42 pm
today was just one of those days where i'm ridiculously emotional. i watched a movie and cried through the last half. then andy had to post in his lj and remind me that he's going to be gone soon. i've been successfully avoiding thinking about it for the past few weeks. he's only going to be here one more week. it's terribly depressing. ugh. i need to go to bed.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: reality bites
Rachel Griffin
04 January 2006 @ 07:11 am
so, my new job is awesome. it's hella easy, i get paid well, and i get to listen to my ipod while i work. i couldn't have asked for a better job.

last night was good times for several reasons.

i'm getting a cold. ick.

ok, i'm done procrastinating. i have to get ready for work now.
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: psapp
Rachel Griffin
01 January 2006 @ 05:18 pm
last night was an experience. i saw things that i never want to see again. i broke a chair. i don't remember the drive home. i woke up in my bed with a boy who is not my boyfriend. i didn't have a hangover. i did nothing to taint the sanctity of my relationship with my boyfriend. i had fun. the end.
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: led zepplin- stairway to heaven
Rachel Griffin
28 December 2005 @ 10:06 am
so, christmas was good. i got things that i wanted. i now have a coffee grinder and a french press. it's awesome.

i'm all pms-y. i keep getting angry at everyone or wanting to cry. i hate feeling like this.

i got a job at the place where my mom works. it's m-f, 8-5. i make $10.50 and hour. i get benefits after 3 months. i start tomorrow.

i hope new year's eve doesn't suck. i really want it to be fun.

ok, mall time with allison and quesatilly.
Current Mood: crankycranky
Current Music: grateful dead- friend of the devil
Rachel Griffin
25 December 2005 @ 10:03 am
merry christmas. woo!
Rachel Griffin
23 December 2005 @ 05:21 pm
so this whole my lj thing is weird. it's kinda awesome.

so, today was my last day. it's strange how people are going to miss me.

omg i'm bored. i'm waiting on three phone calls. blagarfum.
Rachel Griffin
19 December 2005 @ 01:42 pm
things have been good. i quit my job at mervyn's. my last day is friday. woo! things with that boy have improved. they went from great to crappy to fucking awesome. so, yeah. i don't really have much else to talk about. i want christmas to be over.
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: grateful dead- franklin's tower
Rachel Griffin
15 December 2005 @ 04:16 am
this week has been an emotional rollercoaster. tuesday night was insane. i'm not going to go into specifics here. the people who need to know already know. things have improved a bunch since tuesday night. i feel a lot better about everything. so, things are good. yeah.
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: bright eyes-ship in a bottle
Rachel Griffin
13 December 2005 @ 12:05 pm
so... i cut off all my hair. i donated it to kids with cancer. it's just weird. i've never had hair this short. i don't know what to do with it. like, i don't know how to style it. i guess it will just take some getting used to.

things have been okay. they could be worse.

i'm going to play animal crossing.
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
Current Music: death cab for cutie- title and registration
Rachel Griffin
06 December 2005 @ 07:50 am
i'm feeling better than i did last week. i'm almost done with school. i just have one final left. i wish relationships weren't so complicated. more than that, i wish i knew how to handle them better.

i'm almost done with my christmas shopping. i'm really not feeling the christmas this year. i think my job has made me hate the holidays. i just want to crawl in a hole and come out when the holidays are over.

i need to go back to bed. my feet are cold and my head hurts.
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: alicia keys- karma
Rachel Griffin
02 December 2005 @ 11:30 am
yesterday was a lot harder than i thought it would be. i don't know if anything could have made it better. it was nice being able to talk to someone about it. it's been almost three years and it never gets any easier.

i'm so thankful for the friends that i have. i love all of them so much. i don't know what i'd do without them.

so, uh, happy stuff. um, i don't have to work today. that's good. i just hate this time of year. thanksgiving, his birthday, and christmas. and he's not here. i'd kill to have him back for just one day. somtimes i just miss him. i hate that i feel like i didn't appreciate him enough when he was here. i hate that i'll feel guilty about that for the rest of my life. i feel like i didn't tell him i loved him enough and i didn't hug him enough. he would have been 48 this year.

ok, i'm done. i apologize to the people who read this. i don't like big displays of emotion, so i'm sorry for mine. hopefully today is better than yesterday.
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Rachel Griffin
28 November 2005 @ 11:19 pm
i accomplished absolutely nothing today. seriously. i didn't leave the house all day. i didn't clean. i didn't do anything. i'm wondering where my day went. i need to get my eyes checked. someone is buying me glasses for christmas. woo. i have nothing to say. i think too much. i blame that boy. i need to sleep.
Current Mood: soresore
Current Music: the soundtrack to rent in my head
Rachel Griffin
28 November 2005 @ 08:55 am
How many total songs? 755

Sort by Song Title - first and last:
First: #27- marvelous 3
Last: yr letter- onelinedrawing

Sort by Time - longest and shortest:
Longest: sugaree- grateful dead
Shortest: horn intro- modest mouse

Sort by Album - first and last:
First: american beauty- grateful dead
Last: you think it's like this but really it's like this- mirah

Sort by Artist - first and last:
First: a-ha
Last: wilco

First 10 Songs that Come Up on Random
1. mirah- archipelago
2. eisley- one day i floated away
3. ani difranco- sunday morning
4. kanye west- gone
5. journey- any way you want it
6. jay-z- interlude
7. live- stage
8. lionel richie- hello
9. jewel- hands
10. foo fighters- the last song

Find "sex," how many songs show up? 1

Find "death," how many songs show up? 23

Find "love," how many songs show up? 85

Find "peace", how many songs show up? 0

Find "rock", how many songs show up? 25

Find "fuck", how many songs show up? 1

Find "crazy", how many songs show up? 1

Find the letter "x", how many songs show up? 42

Find "song", how many songs show up? 24

What are your Top 10 most played songs?
1. bright eyes- first day of my life
2. eels- i like birds
3. something corporate- konstantine
4. death cab for cutie- i will follow you into the dark
5. eels- it's a motherfucker
6. jewel- foolish games
7. live- i alone
8. something corporate- the runaway
9. the used- greener with the scenery
10. eisley- telescope eyes
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: rise against- to them these streets belong
Rachel Griffin
27 November 2005 @ 04:45 pm
things have been great. well, minus friday things have been great. friday was hell. so help me god, i will never work in retail again. i've still been spending time with that boy. he will be referred to as "that boy" until he makes up his mind about what he wants to be called. i like him. i like that he can take a joke. i'm going to refrain from going off on a tangent about him. i think it's weird that other people knew we would date before i did.

i have nothing else to say. i'm happy livin' small.
Current Mood: mellowmellow
Current Music: onelinedrawing- livin' small
Rachel Griffin
21 November 2005 @ 10:39 pm
i'm home and it feels fucking great. every muscle in my body screams with every move i make and i love it. i'm blushing just thinking about it. yeah. so, i guess my trip could have been worse. it wasn't all bad. i saw the battlefield where stonewall jackson was wounded. i saw james madison's house. i saw arlington. that place was depressing. like, there were people crying at jfk's grave. it was crazy. i ate some awesome fried chicken. i got to have some really in-depth conversations with one of my aunts. it was weird b/c her and i have never been very close but this trip made me realize how awesome she is. so, it wasn't all bad. i still hate the east coast.

things have been great since i've been home. erica had her birthday. woo! i've been spending a lot of time with that boy. it's been so awesome. i just don't want to fuck this up. i don't really think that i will, but i know it's a possibility and that scares me. it's so rare for me to find someone i get along with like this. i don't want to lose it. he makes me smile. i like that. i like him. i like the potential that we have. i like it when he speaks spanish. scratch that. i love it when he speaks spanish. my god, i love it. i like the way he says "fuck". i like his sense of humor. i like most of his taste in music. i love the smell of his hair. mmm... i like the way his butt looks in jeans. i like the gibberish he speaks when he's drunk. i like the fact that he missed me. i like that he has no idea how to read my journal. lol.

i got another tattoo. now my feet match. andy and i went gambling. i broke even and andy lost. sadface. i'm kinda sorta looking forward to thanksgiving. i don't know.

my cheeks are bright red and i'm smiling. things are good.
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: jewel- everybody needs someone sometime
Rachel Griffin
17 November 2005 @ 11:34 am
emoduckie's LiveJournal Slut Stats
The below percentages indicate what emoduckie has done with the 59 people on her friends list!




seen topless

seen naked

phone sexed

made out

oral sex


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